一期一會

I wanted a pet, so I got one. But I am tired of taking care of it, and paying for it. I might even be moving, in which case I would have to pay a pet deposit or spend an extra 30 seconds planning how to take along my pet. Maybe I decided to have a baby or get a boyfriend (or girlfriend). Anyhow, I don't want my pet anymore. Oh wait, that sounds every bit as selfish as I am. I mean, I can't keep my pet. Yeah, that's it. Oh allergies- YES, I suddenly got allergies. No one will question that. 

Now about my pet. I've had it since it was a kitten (or pup, or egg if reptilian) and now it's middle aged, the age NO ONE wants to adopt, but didn't you see- I need someone to take care of it. 

Anyhow, since this process will be very upsetting for my formerly precious pet (and because I may feel an inkling of guilt) I want the adopter to give it a home where there are no other pets, so it doesn't have to share your affections (even though I've been ignoring it for months). Now let me tell you how sweet, lovable, and darling he/she is. Also, allow me to fail to mention that he/she has a urination issue when scared, or he/she eat sofas, etc. 

Oh, and I think you should pay a fee to show you're capable of buying cat food. And plus I spent money on it 8 years ago and heck I can get a few boxes of diapers for the baby with that cash. 

Besides, everyone knows that you can tell a person who's taking your pet to be a test lab subject by whether or not they'll shell out $50. If my pet is purebred, I will likely try to charge you hundreds. Because I spend hundreds and this is a very valuable pet. I just don't want it anymore. But YOU should want it enough to help me recoup my original purchase price. 

Now, I hope you'll take it right to the vet, because he/she is behind on shots. And was never spayed/neutered. And make sure it gets premium food and all the things it deserves, but I am too selfish to even continue to care for it. And remember, this is a commitment- you better not take it and then change your mind ever because only I can do that. Now that I dumped him/her on you, he/she is too traumatized to ever face that again. 

Last of all, I will now close by telling you that I need this person who takes over my responsibility to come along quickly, because otherwise I *may* have to take him/her to the pound. I probably won't, but that threat is sure to scare someone into hurrying up and taking over my responsibility. 

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/1370262847.html

PTT貓版版友imlele翻譯：

不完美的主人找完美的認養人

我想要一隻寵物，所以我帶了一隻回家。但是，我現在不想照顧他了，也不想負擔他的生活。我可能要搬到公寓住，這樣我就要付寵物的押金，或是要多花３０秒鐘想我要怎麼帶他一起搬家。又或許，我決定要生一個小孩，交一個男朋友或女朋友，總之，我就是不要我的寵物了！噢！等一下。這樣聽起來我會像一個很自私的人。我的意思是，我不能繼續養他了，因為......恩......因為過敏！！！我突然對我家的寵物過敏！沒錯！！不會有人懷疑我的！！

恩，現在來談談我的寵物，我從他是小貓的時候開始養，但他現在長大了，到了沒有人想要領養的年紀！但是，你看不出來嘛？？我需要人家幫我照顧他啊！！！！

總之呢......因為換環境會讓我可愛的寵物心裡不舒服有壓力（加上為了減輕我的內疚感）。所以，我希望領養他的人，家裡沒有別隻寵物，這樣他就不用和別人分享主人的關愛（就算我已經好幾個月沒理他了）。現在讓我來告訴你，他有多親人，是一隻多可愛的寵物！還有，讓我忘記提到他亂尿尿、亂抓家具等等的問題！

還有你應該要付點錢，證明你可以買得起他的飼料！加上補償我八年前買他的錢！現在這些錢我可以拿去買一些尿布等等的嬰兒用品。

而且大家都知道如果一個人會給你五十塊美金表示他不會把你的寵物拿去做實驗！如果我的寵物是純種的，我可能還會跟你收到幾百塊美金！因為我花了幾百塊買他，加上他是一隻非常有價值的寵物！反正我就是不想要了！你應該會想要到願意幫我負擔我當初買他的幾百塊錢。

我希望你領養牠之後會馬上帶他去看獸醫，因為他已經很久沒有打針和做檢查了！而且到現在都還沒結紮！還有要記得餵他吃好的飼料和給他所有他應得的東西！但是我就是太自私，自私到我沒辦法再繼續照顧他！　　

還有請記得你的承諾，你最好不要帶他回家了之後又反悔，因為只有我可以這樣！現在我把他丟給你，已經在他心理造成很大的創傷了，他不能再承受第二次。

最後我要說的是，我需要那個願意接手我責任的人快點出現，不然我可能會把我的寵物丟到收容所裡。我應該是不會拉！只是嚇嚇大家，這樣願意接手我責任的人就會快點出現。